


"Your Worst Enemy is Your Own Memory"

by avengingallthewayhome



Category: Agent Carter (Marvel Short Film), Agent Carter (TV), Marvel
Genre: Cartson, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 06:07:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5857084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avengingallthewayhome/pseuds/avengingallthewayhome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Thompson!” Peggy said, louder than before. She had been trained to never wake someone up from a nightmare unless she was at an appropriate distance away to avoid injuries. She wanted to touch his shoulder and pull him from his sleep, but knew better. The shouting continued, it started off with sounds that couldn’t be deciphered as words, but as Peggy tried to coax him from his sleep, they became more decipherable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Your Worst Enemy is Your Own Memory"

**Author's Note:**

> I finished it! Woohoo! So it ended up being super long. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make it this long I just kinda kept writing. I don't know if you will like it. It's probably super out of character for most of the story, but I didn't know how to fix it. Then again, maybe I'm just being too critical. I honestly cannot tell. There's some angst (I think) and a bit of fluff... It may have also gotten a wee bit cheesy near the end... I probably wouldn't read it... Gosh! I'm doing a horrible job at selling this fic... Anyway, ENJOY! :)

It was late when she arrived back in New York. The cross-country flight from LA was brutal, but the descent into New York City was the worst part of it all. Peggy was shocked the plane wasn’t diverted because of the snow. There were a few moments where she was sure the plane would crash. It seems a little bit dramatic to come to such a conclusion, but when the pilot announces that everyone should get into the brace position, one would expect impact. Even once the plane touched down on the runway, people were still in the brace position. Everyone expected the plane to slide in the wrong direction because of the ice. However, after all the near death experiences, they arrived at the terminal safely. 

Peggy hadn’t brought much in terms of luggage. She managed to take her duffel bag on as a carry on, which was a blessing, as there were massive delays with getting everything off the plane. The only problem now was getting a cab. Peggy told Jarvis to stay in LA with Anna for a while – thus, the reason for needing a cab. Past 9:30, cabs rarely showed up at the airport. Most of their business would be downtown with all the partygoers. Luckily, there were two cabs waiting for customers. She put her hand out to show she was coming. When she reached the cab, the driver stepped out and grabbed her duffle. 

“Where’re you off to tonight, young lady?” He asked. He was a larger man, very tall, likely in his mid 70s. 

“The New York Bell Company, please.” Peggy stated, suddenly feeling exhausted and thankful that the driver had taken her bag. 

“Do you live at the telephone company?” The man asked, chuckling a little bit. He wore a plaid flat cap with a grey vest and glasses. He had clearly retired a long time ago and was simply doing this because he liked working. Peggy smiled at his response.

“No. I simply work there.” She let out a small laugh. “Those late night phone calls have to go through somehow.” The old man looked at her sceptically, but nodded anyway as they both slipped into the car. The look the man gave her reminded Peggy of what Sousa had said before she left LA. I’m trusting that you won’t go into work when you get back. You need sleep, go home. The past week had been pretty awful. First, Peggy found out that Daniel was going to propose, then Jason Wilkes had died, then on Wednesday, Peggy got an excited phone call from Angie saying that she got a main role for a play in London. She was so proud of Angie, but it meant that she was moving away for at least six months – six whole months without seeing her best friend. 

“Ma’am, are you alright?” The cab driver asked. Peggy was pulled from her thoughts. She looked at the man for a moment before smiling.

“Absolutely!” She said lightly. 

“I’m Kenneth, by the way. My wife always tells me I should introduce myself to customers and make them feel more comfortable. I’m not sure how my name would make someone more comfortable, but you look like you need something to do just that.” 

Peggy let out a laugh. “And how do you figure that?” She asked, staring out the window. 

“You seem like a polite young woman, who generally strikes up conversation. You haven’t done that. You are wringing your hands together, suggesting you are thinking deeply about something. Your shoulders are slouched slightly, leading me to believe that you do not have the energy to straighten them. This is usually an indicator of physical exhaustion, but it also shows up with emotional exhaustion. Even if it is from physical exhaustion, why would you be working so hard that you are this tired and why would you go into work right after getting off a plane? The only conclusion I can make is that you are drowning yourself in work to hide your true feelings.” He stated, rather matter of factly. “I’m also a big fan of Sherlock Holmes. I like to attempt my own deductions when I can.” 

Peggy had no words of defence. Kenneth had stated every tiny, true detail about how she felt and there was no stepping around what he said. She had expected him to relate his ‘insight’ to some poem he read as a boy, or tell her that he had three daughters that had trained him to be in tune to emotions around him. Peggy tried to come up with an excuse, anything to throw him off a little bit, but nothing came to mind. She resulted to staring out the window, quietly. 

“I’m sorry, ma’am. I had no intention of offending you.” Kenneth said kindly. 

“It’s Peggy, and you have no reason to apologize. Especially since you’re right.” She replied. 

The snow was falling faster now. Big, fluffy snowflakes were hitting the windshield. It looked as if they were getting close to the city centre. It was probably just a few more minutes to the SSR office. As kind and as sweet as Kenneth was, Peggy was looking forward to not talking to anyone. The car came to a stop at the front of the building – a big New York Bell Company sign sat above the entrance. 

“Well, Peggy, we have arrived.” Kenneth said. Peggy smiled and reached into her purse for money. 

“How much, again?” Peggy asked. Kenneth shook his head.

“Oh no. I won’t accept any money from you.” 

“What? No. You drove me all this way.”

“You’ve had a long enough day, I’m sure. Take this as a favour to you, and perhaps, someone else will be in need of one and you can pay it forward.” Kenneth smiled and stepped out of the vehicle to get the duffel bag out of the back. Peggy let out a sigh, seeing that it was unlikely that she would win this fight, and stepped out of the vehicle into the snow. The wind was harsh compared to the airport and considering the fact that Peggy didn’t bring a coat to LA meant that she was freezing now that she was back in the cold. She wrapped her arms around herself and walked to the back of the car. 

Kenneth looked at her and pointed towards the door. “Head inside, dear. I’ll bring your bag in.” He said, warmly. For once, Peggy didn’t argue that she didn’t need any help. She went and stood inside, letting the warmth wrap around her. Soon after Peggy had entered the building, Kenneth brought her duffel bag in. “Well, this is where I will leave you. It was nice to meet you, Peggy.” He smiled and turned, leaving out the door.

“Goodbye, Kenneth. It was nice to meet you, too.” Peggy said, smiling at the man. She waited until Kenneth pulled away to actually head up to the SSR office. 

\---

When Peggy stepped out of the elevator, the entire office was dark, except for the light of the streetlamps seeping through the windows. She let out a small sigh, partially from exhaustion, and partially from all of her emotions just bubbling at the surface. It was strange to think that so many of the soldiers admired her for being so strong and not letting her emotions get to her, and yet, here she was, barely holding herself together. She walked towards her desk. Thompson had offered her his old desk, which was a nice gesture, but she liked the spot she was in. She glanced over at the Chief’s office. The blinds and door were shut. Peggy had occasionally imagined herself sitting in that office, giving the new agents orders, but at the same time, she knew it was an unrealistic dream. 

She pulled her chair out and started to sit down, when there was a muffled thump coming from Thompson’s office. Peggy frowned and grabbed the stapler on the edge of her desk. 

“Hello? Who’s there?” Peggy called, walking towards the office. There was no answer, just another muffled thump. She had mastered the skill of silencing her footsteps, even when in heels. She stood in front of the door, readied the stapler for action, and twisted the door handle. She gently pushed the door open, expecting to be attacked by the assumed intruder. What she didn’t expect to see was Jack Thompson hunched over, leaning on his desk with a glass tipped over on the ground and a small stack of papers strewn about. She deducted they were on his desk and he had somehow pushed them off. 

“Chief Thompson?” Peggy asked quietly. The only answer that came was a gentle whimper. It was odd hearing such a boyish sound coming from a grown man. She took a step towards him, trying to see if he was asleep or not. Suddenly, he let out a shout. Peggy jumped back; worried she had awoken him. However, he continued to sit in his hunched position, only now, he was trembling and letting out continuous shouts.

“Thompson!” Peggy said, louder than before. She had been trained to never wake someone up from a nightmare unless she was at an appropriate distance away to avoid injuries. She wanted to touch his shoulder and pull him from his sleep, but knew better. The shouting continued, it started off with sounds that couldn’t be deciphered as words, but as Peggy tried to coax him from his sleep, they became more decipherable. 

“Stop!” He shouted. “Leave them alone! Leav- Stop! Please!” Jack’s voice was getting progressively more hysterical and he was full on shaking now. 

“Jack! Wake up!” She said in a loud, solid voice. 

“Stay away from them! Stop!” He was screaming now, unable to control his nightmare. Peggy had to do something to wake him up and apparently her voice was not enough. She decided to go against what she was trained not to do to sleeping soldiers – wake him up by shaking him. Normally, she would have left him as he would begin to calm down and come back from the nightmare on his own at some point, but having suffered a few nightmares of her own, she knew how badly he subconsciously wanted to wake up. She could handle herself if he accidentally became violent. 

With slow, carful steps, she walked towards the man. He was still yelling – about what, Peggy could not figure out. “Jack.” She put her hand on his shoulder lightly. However, this only silenced him for a short moment. “Jack, come on, wake up.” She said as she squeezed his shoulder, tighter this time. He shouted louder and grabbed her arm, clearly in a bit of a trance. He twisted her arm as he continued shouting about ‘leaving them alone’ and ‘not touching them’. Peggy used her other arm and grabbed his wrist. She needed to pull him from his nightmare; otherwise he might hurt her and himself.

“Jack!” She screamed at him. She used her grip and twisted around him, then pushed him into the wall with her knee digging into his back. “Wake up!” Finally, Peggy heard Jack mumble something in a quieter voice, instead of yelling. At first it was a bunch of gibberish, but slowly, he began to fully wake up.

“Ow. Ouch!” He said loudly as he whipped his head around to see his ‘attacker’. His eyes were bloodshot – likely caused by crying while he was sleeping. “Marge?” Jack said, trying to sound confident, but becoming unsuccessful when his voice cracked. 

“Jack.” Peggy said softly in a sympathetic tone. Instead of responding, he turned towards the wall and pressed his forehead against it. It was odd seeing the man who tried so hard to build up a hard outer shell break down. In all honesty, Peggy didn’t really know how she was supposed to respond. Did he want her comfort? Did he even want her company? “Are you okay?” She asked, unsure of what else to say. Jack stood, leaned against the wall, clenching and unclenching his fists. 

“I don’t think I am, no.” He whispered. Jack was opening up. He built his walls so high for so long, and they were slowly crumbling down. Peggy had to put aside all the ‘differences’ they’ve had in the past. In this moment, he needed someone. She placed a hand on his back and gently rubbed it. At first, he tensed up, but after a couple of seconds, he turned around and put his head on her shoulder. This time Peggy tensed for a moment, but then relaxed and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, running her hands up and down his back and through his hair, trying to calm him. 

\---

They stood together in silence for a long time. Peggy told herself that tonight no matter what else she had to do, she would stay by Jack’s side for as long as he needed her and longer if it was necessary. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked over his shoulder. He simply shook his head in response.

“Not really.” He said, with a raspy voice. “God, I’m being such a child.” Jack began to pull away, laughing bitterly to himself. Peggy gently grabbed him by the wrists and raised an eyebrow at him. He stared at her for a moment before starting, “I’ve always had nightmares of some sort, even when I was a kid. My dad wasn’t exactly what you’d call… relaxed. I remember I was so afraid to wake up that I’d have nightmares about waking up. It was always the same one – I would wake up, in the nightmare, and my dad would be so angry that he would punish me by punishing my sister.” His eyes darkened. “After I came back from war, the nightmares changed, but with the same theme – someone I care about getting hurt because of me.” Peggy nodded. She understood the feeling of something being her fault. Jason Wilkes’ death was the most recent blame Peggy put upon herself.

“Jack. I already told you that none of what happened in Japan was your fault. You know that right?” Peggy felt a little hypocritical as she spoke, but she kept telling herself it was different. 

“I know. I’ve barely been able to accept that that happened. It’s just…” He sighed and fell back into his chair. He was getting worked up again and his hands began shaking at the memory. “A few other soldiers and I had been captured. We were taken into enemy territory and tortured for information. Except, their form of torture wasn’t hurting the soldier to get information out of him. It was hurting the soldier and making the others watch and trying to get information out of them.” 

“Jack.” Peggy started. “Put the glass down. You’re going to break it with the amount of pressure you are putting on it.” Jack looked at his hand and sure enough he was squeezing the glass that he had used for bourbon earlier. 

“Sorry.” He said quietly. “Anyway, after about two weeks, they started torturing everyone except one person – the one they thought was the weakest – in this case, me. They tortured the other soldiers while I watched. Eventually, they started killing the men.” 

Jack blinked, trying to bring himself back from the terrifying memory, but all he could see were the blank faces of his fellow soldiers – the blood pooling at their feet, their screams silenced with the touch of death. He heard the shouts of the enemy, loud, harsh, and foreign. A cold sweat formed on Jack’s body. He covered his ears, trying to shut out the screams. His screams blended with the other soldiers. Why him? Why couldn’t they just kill him? 

“Jack!” Peggy was holding his face in her hands. “Jack. You need to calm down.” His body was trembling as he crumpled to the floor. 

“I can’t… make it stop.” He said in a strained voice. Horrifying images kept flashing across his vision. 

“Jack. Listen to me. You are home. You are safe. Whatever happened when you were in Japan is over now. Just listen to my voice. I’m here, Jack. I’m here.” She said. It was heartbreaking to see this man who was so emotionally cold, shatter like glass. Jack was curled in a ball beside his chair, shaking. Peggy was rubbing his back, trying to bring him back. How long had he been having flashbacks for? How many times did he wake up in the night screaming, stuck in a memory? 

“Peggy…” He whispered. 

“Let’s get you home.” She helped Jack up and she guided him out of his office, shutting lamp off on her way out. She grabbed her duffel bag and brought him to his car. Clearly, he was in no state to drive, so she helped him into the passenger side, grabbed his keys and went around to the driver’s side. Jack told Peggy the directions to his apartment, and then turned to stare out the window. She looked over at him, his arms were crossed and his eyes dark.

\---

When they got to the building, Peggy followed Jack up the stairs to apartment 6B. She wanted to make sure he was okay before she caught a cab home. He fumbled with his keys for a moment; his shaking hands weren’t much help. Finally, he got the door open and stepped inside. 

“Well, I guess I’ll leave you here, then.” Peggy said as she started turning to head back down the stairs. 

“Wait.” Jack called after her. She stopped and turned around. He opened his mouth, and then closed it again – internally debating what to say. He resorted to saying,  
“Thank you, Carter.” 

Peggy smiled, kindly. “You’re welcome, Thompson.” She replied. They stared at each other for a moment – both wanting to say more. Then, she turned and went down the steps to the front. 

Peggy stepped out into the cool, winter air. The snow had finally stopped, but she still wished she had brought a jacket. Her duffel heavy on her shoulder, she looked for a cab that she could call over. There were few in this area, particularly because of the price range of the apartments. Most people would have a chauffeur. She sighed and decided she’d wait a little bit, before walking up the street. 

Tonight had been a strange night. Peggy had never seen Jack so vulnerable. Even coming back from Russia – that was only a glimpse into the demons that plagued his mind. It was strange, but somehow, when Jack opened up to Peggy, she saw him in a different light. No. She told herself. You will not feel this way about Jack Thompson. 

“Peggy!” Someone called. She glanced over to the doors into the building. Jack Thompson stood just outside of them. He walked towards her. “Peggy, don’t go. I can’t be…” 

“I know.” Peggy said. She moved a misplaced strand of hair away from his forehead. Perhaps her fingers lingered a second too long, or her heart beat a little too loudly, but whatever it was, it led Jack Thompson to crashing his lips onto hers. She was about to pull away, but when she felt the warmth of his body pressed against her and smelled the scent of fresh laundry mixed with the slight smell of aftershave, she melted into the kiss. She didn’t realize how much she actually wanted this until the moment it happened. Peggy had gotten so cold waiting for a cab, but she was so lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t noticed. Now, having Jack wrap his arms around her, she felt warmer and safer than she had felt in a long time. 

When they broke apart, their lips still lingered together – both of them sharing the same air. 

“Peggy. Thank you.” Jack whispered. He desperately wanted her to know that he was grateful for what she had done for him on this day, and what she had done for him in the past. He was just grateful for her. 

“You’re welcome, Jack.” Peggy whispered back, as she pulled him down for another kiss.


End file.
